Pictures: Rachel McKenna.
Dunedin singer Martinette Williams has transformed the trauma of a past toxic relationship into something powerful – a novel based on her experiences, which has helped her to gain clarity, heal and finally close the chapter on her painful past.
“I never fully processed what happened until I wrote the book,” admits Martinette, 34. “I wanted to tell this story not to blame the guy involved, but to be honest about the experience. He wasn’t a villain – he treated me just well enough to keep me hooked. But ultimately, it was me who needed to find the strength to walk away.”
The book, called Everything She Wanted, is a fictionalised but deeply personal retelling of Martinette’s relationship with a man she while studying at the University of Otago.
The story follows Madeline, a young woman caught in the push and pull of a relationship with “Daniel”, who keeps her at arm’s length, offering just enough affection and empty promises to keep her hoping, but never actually fully committing to the relationship.
“There was a pivotal moment for me, which also happens for Madeline in the book, when I finally realised I was locked in a cycle that would never end unless I did it myself,” she reveals.
Both Martinette and her character Madeline eventually find love with someone who sees their worth and value.
However, the message she hopes other women, especially those in similar “situationships”, will take away from the novel is that a happy-ever-after doesn’t come from finding a partner, but from discovering self-love and self-worth.
“It’s about empowerment, finding yourself and realising that you don’t have to keep chasing someone who won’t choose you,” she reveals.
“If I had read something like this when I was younger, I might have recognised the red flags. Instead, I gaslit myself into believing things were normal – even when my friends warned me I was giving him all my attention and getting very little in return. It’s so easy to lose yourself in these kinds of unhealthy relationships.”
As Everything She Wanted makes its way into the world, Martinette admits to feeling a little vulnerable.
“It’s scary to put something so personal out there, even in a fictionalised way,” she says. “But this is a story I had to tell.”
The seeds of the novel were planted years ago in 2012, when Martinette poured all her emotions into five original songs, written as a way to process the relationship.
“This all happened during my honours year, which I had spent largely procrastinating and writing songs instead of doing my dissertation,” she smiles. “I can’t believe I passed with all the drama that was happening!”
Uniquely, the novel also features these songs, with links directing readers to Martinette’s online performances. However, revisiting them wasn’t easy, she confesses to Woman’s Day.
“For years, I couldn’t bring myself to listen to them.”
Then in 2022, Martinette decided to dust off the idea of writing a book broadly based on her diary entries from the time. It was an emotional journey, but she had the full support of her husband, Lyndon, 33, with whom she shares sons Leo, six, and Declan, four.
“Our boys were toddlers at the time and Lyndon was amazing, especially when I’d lock myself in the bedroom to steal some time to write,” she shares. “I finished the book in four months and printed off a draft for Lyndon to read.
“It really opened his eyes to everything I’d gone through and he was great about the start of our own relationship being fictionalised too.”
Throughout her journey, Martinette has come to appreciate the healthy, communicative relationship she has with her husband. “We talk about everything. If something is upsetting us, we don’t push it down. We give each other grace. No one is perfect, but in a good relationship, you meet each other where you’re at.”
Beyond emotional healing, writing Everything She Wanted has reignited Martinette’s passion for songwriting and performance, which had taken a backseat to motherhood for several years.
“I cast Madeline as a singer-songwriter too and actually became quite jealous of her!” she grins. “Writing the story made me realise how much I missed music.
“I have started writing songs again, got back into gigging and even released an EP at the end of last year. The book’s helped me to reconnect with that creative part of myself and has also reminded me of who I am, beyond a mother and my past.”
Now she is fully embracing this creative resurgence, already working on her second novel, with plans for several more.
So with the benefit of hindsight, what advice would Martinette give to her younger self and to other women who might find themselves in similar situations?
“Stay true to yourself. If something feels off, trust your intuition. And if your friends don’t like the person you’re dating, listen to them. They might be seeing what you’re too close to recognise.”
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