Pictures: Babiche Martens
Lana Walters is the picture of contentment, cradling her baby bump, with her adoring fiancé Jules and her two-year-old daughter Sophie posing for cute family photos.
It’s a sunny West Auckland house filled with laughs and good vibes. The recently crowned winner of the Billy T Award picks up a toy microphone, pretending to do some stand-up. “Anyone here from out of town?”
Lana is still reeling from her win in May. “It was so bloody nice hearing my name called out!” the 33-year-old enthuses.
Jules, 38, was in the audience along with his parents. He tells, “They were so proud of her and I cried.”
The comedian is delighted to follow in the footsteps of impressive past winners.
“It’s six women now who have won it in a row. It’s the female comedians’ award – the boys need to step their pussies up,” she declares, chuckling.
“It was a very good solution because the trip I wrote Don’t Lick That about was such a disaster that getting something good out of it is a great thing.”
Don’t Lick That
She’s referring to the time she and Jules took wee Sophie to Armenia for her brother-in-law’s wedding.
She explains, “It wasn’t like going on a trip to Bali. It’s ex-Soviet! Sophie was constantly running away from us. We went to this museum and I was literally hunting for her on Stalin’s train.”
Lana’s Billy T winnings have been used paying off her venue hire for her April 2024 Melbourne International Comedy Festival show, but she’s also splurged on a flash dollhouse for her daughter. It hasn’t, however, been spent on an engagement ring for the couple. “We don’t have a ring yet,” says Lana.
“Cost of living!” yells Jules from the other room.
Lana was a writer for The Project before it was scrapped late last year.
“That was sad,” she sighs. “It was my dream job.” But she’s confident another will come along and reveals being on Taskmaster would be the next big thrill.
The pair have been engaged since February 2023 after Jules was overcome with an urge to propose while the family was out strawberry-picking.
“The day was just so overwhelmingly lovely, I didn’t even realise I asked her – I just asked her!” Jules confesses.
“We’d had a fight that morning,” explains Lana, “and he was like, ‘I need to talk to you.’ I thought it would be about the fight, but he said, ‘I can’t imagine a more beautiful moment than in the strawberry farm with our daughter. Will you marry me?’ I was so surprised and happy!”
Lana and Jules, a police officer in South Auckland, have been together for nearly six years after meeting on Tinder.
The future
“We’d been planning to get married this summer, but now we’ll have a brand-new baby, we’ll have to put it off,” tells Lana. “I don’t want to be partying with a little baby!”
Due in October, Sophie constantly announces she can’t wait to meet her baby sister. “It’s a boy, but she keeps picking up baby clothes and saying, ‘I’m saving this for my sister!’” Lana laughs.
Although excited, Lana is already over being pregnant.
“I feel very lucky to be pregnant, but I just want to complain all the time. I’m also quite anxious about giving birth for the second time. I haven’t forgotten – I remember! It’s like I’m booked in for a day three months from now where I’m gonna get mugged – like beaten up. I don’t want to scare other women, but it’s painful!”
Lana’s clearly a fantastic mum, but she does worry.
“Sometimes I feel like a s**t mum,” she confesses. “I watch TikToks that say what you should do so your toddler doesn’t turn on the TV in the morning. And they’ve set up a bunch of activity stations, so their kids are like, ‘Wow! There’s a puzzle I can do! There’s an ice sculpture I can chip away at!’
“When am I supposed to do that? Sure, you’re saving them from watching half an hour of Bluey, but you had to set up an obstacle course!”
Until baby arrives, Lana is nesting, but is also excited to remount her Billy T winning show in August. She grins. “It’ll be great to have a big hurrah before I’m buried under a pile of newborn nappies!”
Don’t Lick That is on at Basement Theatre, Auckland, on 2 and 3 August. Buy tickets at basementtheatre.co.nz.
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