The realisation that she’s facing a life dedicated to duty is being brought home stronger than ever to Catherine, Princess of Wales, as she observes the responsibilities being shouldered by the current Queen Consort, Camilla in the lead-up to the coronation.
But while Kate knows that as the wife of a future monarch, the expectation to be devoted to service will be relentless, she feels her most important role is an even tougher job – being a mum.
“Her children are the most important things in the world to the princess,” says a palace insider. “She has to juggle her commitments like most other mothers, but if it came down to it, her children will always be her priority.”
Kate, 41, is a very hands-on mother, who has admitted she often struggles with feelings of guilt when work means she can’t be with Prince George, nine, Princess Charlotte, seven, and Prince Louis, five. “Anyone who doesn’t feel guilty as a mother is actually lying,” she said in a podcast.
For example, she feels bad when engagements mean she can’t do the school run. “This morning, George and Charlotte were like, ‘Mummy, how could you possibly not be dropping us off at school this morning?'”
Kate acknowledges how fortunate she has been to have help with her children, including the services of nanny Maria Teresa Borrallo, who no longer lives with the family but still looks after the children on a daily basis. But while motherhood has been wonderful, it hasn’t all been smooth sailing.
“At times, it has also been a huge challenge, even for me who has support that most mothers do not,” admits Kate. “Whatever you’re doing, you want to make sure you’re doing the best job you can
for your children.”
And that means “always questioning your own decisions and your own judgements, and I think that starts from the moment you have a baby. Nothing can really prepare you for the overwhelming experience of what it means to become a mother. It is full of complex emotions of joy, exhaustion, love and worry, all mixed together. Your fundamental identity changes overnight. You go from thinking of yourself as primarily an individual to suddenly being a mother, first and foremost.
“And yet there is no rule book, no right or wrong. You have to make it up and do the very best you can to care for your family.”
Kate has based a lot of her ideas about parenting on her own upbringing. She had a very happy childhood thanks to parents Carole and Michael Middleton, and also her late gran Valerie Middleton.
“I had an amazing granny who devoted a lot of time to us – playing with us, doing arts and crafts, and going to the greenhouse to do gardening and cooking with us,” recalls Kate. “I try to incorporate a lot of the experiences she gave us at the time into the experiences I give my children now. As kids, we spent a lot of time outside and it’s something I’m passionate about. I think it’s so great for physical and mental wellbeing.”
She wants George, Charlotte and Louis to grow up with memories of a childhood full of fun and adventures. “That’s what I would want them to remember – the family going to the beach, getting soaking wet, filling our boots full of water – not a stressful household where you’re trying to do everything and not really succeeding at one thing.”
Giving Louis a life.
She and Prince William, 40, have some pretty strict rules, a royal source says. “Shouting is absolutely off limits for the children and any hint of shouting at each other is dealt with by removal. They are taken away from the scene of the disruption and talked to calmly by either Kate or William.”
Also off-limits are devices like mobile phones or tablets. “Kate and William are very strict on screen time and keep it to a minimum,” says royal writer Katie Nicholl. “The emphasis is on arts and crafts, painting and doing things that aren’t screen-oriented.”
Becoming a parent almost a decade ago led to Kate becoming passionate about childhood development and launching a number of initiatives aimed at giving kids the best possible start in life through her Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood. Some of the work she does is tied in with mental health campaigns she’s also been involved with.
“William and I would not hesitate to seek help for our children if they needed it. We hope to encourage them to speak about their feelings.”
Meanwhile, parents also need to be proactive when it comes to their mental wellbeing, says Kate, noting that there’s a lot of pressure to be “a perfect parent – pretending we’re all about coping perfectly and loving every minute of it. It’s okay not to find it easy and asking for help should not be seen as a sign of weakness”.
