A few years ago, Heartbreak Island star Joshua Fankhauser experienced several earth-shattering things in his life.
Over three years, his dad began to struggle with addiction issues, Joshua found himself depressed and jobless, and two of his friends died suddenly. He likens the time to “running from a tiger!”
The former DJ and “big softie” contestant on the first season of the TVNZ reality dating show feared he’d never fully recover.
However, thanks to wellness tools like breathwork, exercise and nutrition, the 32-year-old survived the crisis, turned his life around and also found love with partner Dayna Lawton, 29, whom he calls his “beautiful rock”.
The loved-up couple now live in Lake Hāwea, near Wānaka, with their rescue pup Lola, a Huntaway-Shar Pei cross.
As Joshua reflects on the crazy time that led him to where he is now, he tells Woman’s Day that it began in 2018, when he went on the show.
His “upper-middle class” dad began to uncharacteristically battle with addiction issues to cope with work stress. At the same time, his parents’ marriage was “going south”.
Part of the show’s appeal was the $100,000 prize money. Joshua thought it would help his family during the difficult break-up.
Joshua didn’t win money or find love and on exiting the show, he was unaware of how bad his dad’s addiction issues were actually becoming.
“After Heartbreak Island, we went into business together, manufacturing and exporting a food product,” tells Joshua.
“Soon after, Dad began acting erratically. He started accusing me of the strangest things, completely non-work-related – stealing and plotting against him. Basically, he was paranoid about almost any and everything. It both confused me and made life really difficult as I was already treading water.
“I cut ties with him as I just couldn’t deal with the delusions. A few weeks later, I found out that dad was battling with addiction issues.”
Their family life and business crumbled, and Joshua struggled to cope. He got a new job at a gym but lost it soon after for “mismanaging stress”. He then moved home with his mum and went on the dole. During that time, in 2019, a close friend, Matt, died in a tragic accident. “That’s when I hit rock bottom,” he shares.
When a second friend, fellow Heartbreak Island and The Bachelorette NZ contestant Tavita Karika died suddenly in 2021, Joshua was once again heartbroken. The pair had met on the show and remained close afterwards.
“I was at work when I found out,” he recalls. “I called [Heartbreak Island co-winner] Harry Jowsey straight away. We both cried on the phone. I then left work and went to be by myself. I’d spoken to Tavita a couple of days prior while he read me his daily gratitude.”
Joshua’s worried mum encouraged him to try doing breathwork, which targets the nervous system, allowing big emotions to be breathed away and reactions to soften.
“I was so sick of being angry at the world and sitting in stillness showed me the exit sign for the roundabout,” he says. “I could lower my chronic state of fight- or-flight enough to look for the lessons and find gratitude.”
He gained so much from it that he became certified and registered in breathwork, revised his uni sports science and nutrition qualifications, and started the online coaching business TwoSix Wellness. Now he helps others navigate stress, and runs workshops and retreats nationally, sharing his story.
“I built the business from gratitude and love, rather than anger and hatred,” he say. “It was a process of baby steps that helped me get there.”
The path also led to love with Dayna, a registered nurse and personal trainer. The pair met at a Queenstown gym in 2022.
The pair recently returned from Australia, where she won her first body-building competition in the bikini athletic category. “It’s very exciting!” Joshua says of her achievement.
The couple is in the market to buy their second property, and plan to marry and start a family in the future.
Sadly, his relationship with his dad, whose addiction is unresolved, is still damaged. His father has pleaded guilty to a criminal charge of assault on a person in a family relationship. But Joshua holds hope.
“There were beautiful times before addiction,” he says.
Grief still rears its head, but he’s learnt to create space for it and find meaning. Teaching others to recognise the signs of burnout and recover from setbacks drives him, and “weirdly, life’s failures” have made Joshua a better person.
“He will do whatever it takes to ensure others are uplifted and supported,” Dayna says, going on to describe him as “inspiring, driven and someone who cares deeply about others”.
Joshua adds, “I cry at least once a week seeing my clients succeed, knowing the spaces they came to me in were similar to those I once was in. We all have baggage. But it’s how we hold it within ourselves that dictates our future.”
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